But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
