im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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