I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
