i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
