i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
