Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize
