First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
