I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
