@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
