But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
