Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
