Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
