The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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