Are we in a gay sports bar?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
