I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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