I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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