Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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