Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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