he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
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Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
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He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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