what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
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