Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
