grandma shit on top of the toilet
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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