I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
