my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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