currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
