you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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