I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
