Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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