Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
