the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
i am craving dick and cupcakes
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize