Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
