I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
