OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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