So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
