This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
