if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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