ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Randomize
