I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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