I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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