Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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