That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Vodka?
Forever.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
