My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like heaven, but drunker
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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