why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
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I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
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I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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