It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
