More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
