Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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