he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
