This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
