you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
How's work?
Spinning.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
