your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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