I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
