No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Randomize
