I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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