I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
