someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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