I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
