Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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