No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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