new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
