I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
