My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
