I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
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He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
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We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
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