so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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