I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
