My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
