At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
