Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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