What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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