you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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