At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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