I puked a lego.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
