Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
We left the knife in your bed.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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