I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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