My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
