Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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