i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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