Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
