We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
