Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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