Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
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In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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