Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
