I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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