So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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