You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
