We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
